I sent out a dinner invite a few weeks ago, one of those casual things where you say “come over on Saturday, I’ll cook” without fully thinking through what I committed to. Within six hours I had received the following information: one person wasn’t eating gluten at the moment, another has gone plant-based (since when? unclear), someone else wanted to know if there would be dairy in the sauce (which sauce? I didn’t even know what I was planning to cook), and one person sent a message that said “I’m doing keto so no pasta or rice or bread, but don’t worry about me.”
I briefly considered cancelling the whole thing.
I did not do that, obviously. I cooked the dinner, everyone ate, nobody died or went hungry, but the lead-up involved a level of menu anxiety I am keen to never feel again. I have been thinking about what makes feeding people with dietary restrictions feel so complicated when it does not actually need to be, and I think the problem is that we are trying to create one perfect dish that works for everyone instead of just putting enough things on the table that people can eat what works for them and leave what does not.
This sounds obvious to me now, but I promise it was not obvious to me at 9pm the night before when I was googling “vegan keto gluten-free recipes.”
For the vegan friend
This is the easiest to accommodate if you were already thinking of cooking Indian food, because you are most of the way there without realising it. Dal is vegan. Most sabzis are vegan. Rajma, chana, anything involving lentils or chickpeas with rice needs nothing added or removed, and this is because Indian cuisine was never built around dairy as a cooking fat the way European food was. Ghee and paneer do make an appearance, but they’re not structural necessities.
If you are cooking something European, the vegan-friendly options are also abundant; tomato pasta with olive oil and capers. Roasted vegetables with tahini and a bunch of dips and great bread. A big pot of chickpeas and tomatoes and spices eaten with rice or bread. For everything else, the swaps are minor. Olive oil instead of butter. Coconut milk instead of cream. An alt milk in the mashed potatoes, which sounds like it should be terrible but actually works out okay.
The only place this gets genuinely complicated is cheese, because there is no vegan cheese that behaves like actual cheese and everyone knows it; the move here is to make a menu that does not need cheese.
The person who is not eating carbs
Your job in this situation is not to fix their relationship with carbohydrates, it is to make sure there is enough on the table that they are not only nibbling on garnishes. The move here is abundance on the non-carb side. More protein (an extra piece of fish, a bigger bowl of dal, roasted chicken thighs). More vegetables (a proper salad, roasted cauliflower, something that counts as a dish in its own right). More fat (good olive oil, avocado, tahini). They will be fine.
Do not, under any circumstances, make cauliflower rice. Performing a sacrifice on behalf of one guest is not hospitality, it is just sad for everyone including the cauliflower.
The gluten-free friend
Actual coeliac disease is serious, requires its own chopping board, and needs a proper conversation before you start cooking. Most other gluten-free requests are more flexible than they initially appear and will become significantly more flexible after one drink.
For the genuine version: rice, potatoes, polenta, and legumes are all naturally gluten-free and form the base of an enormous number of good meals. A piece of fish with roasted potatoes and something green. A lentil soup. A rice dish. Most Indian food, most South-East Asian food. You have more options than the initial panic suggests.
If you are doing pasta and want to accommodate everyone, pick a decent gluten-free variety (Mille does a great one). Make a super sauce, voila, done.
The “I’m not eating X right now” friend
This person has recently read something or started a programme or decided that January extends into April this year. The restrictions are vague, sincere, and statistically unlikely to survive the summer. There is a version of this friend who has already dropped the whole thing but has not updated anyone yet and will arrive at the dinner party and eat everything anyway.
I have learned to just ask what they can eat rather than what they cannot, because the positive list is always shorter and more useful, and then cook something that works for them without engineering an entire meal around it.
The actual solution
This came to me much later, but at least I’m well-armed for the next one. Stop thinking about the perfect dish, start thinking about what is on the table, as a whole.
The cleanest solution is a meal built from components rather than a single unified thing. A protein (roast chicken, baked fish, a chickpea situation). A carb (pasta, rice, good bread, roasted potatoes). Vegetables (something roasted, something fresh, something with a proper dressing). A fat or sauce (olive oil, tahini, yoghurt, salsa verde).
Everyone takes what works for them, nobody needs a special plate, so just open some wine,, and if all else fails, there is always dal.
1,000 Ways to Live Well is a Mille publication. Mille is a modern nutrition brand built around everyday rituals, starting with protein that doesn't ask you to compromise on taste. millesupergrain.com
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